JESSICA THERRIEN

From Imagination To Publication

Monday, September 5, 2011

Writers' Campaign Challenge #1 - Short Story

As part of Rachael Harrie's Platform-Building Campaign we've been given the following challenge:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

I decided to take on the added challenge of making my story exactly 200 words and ending it with "the door swung shut." I hope you enjoy it!

THE SOULLESS

The door swung open.
“They’re coming.”
(source)
My stomach tightened as Brad slid the deadbolt into place and turned the couch into a barricade.
“How long?”
The sound of the soulless flinging their bodies against the door was my answer. The knob twisted and voices began to hiss. They’d find their way in soon.
The soulless only wanted one thing—our hearts. Those who’d already lost theirs had slowly been taken by madness, joining the hunt for more.
“If we surrender they’ll let us live. We won’t lose ourselves if we have each other.”
I felt the steady chug of my heart beneath my ribs and shook my head violently. “I’m not going to just hand over my soul.”
Another body slammed against the door, and I jumped into Brad’s arms. He held my head against his chest, and I listened for the steady beat that always gave me comfort. Only this time, it wasn’t there, and I lost myself to unconsciousness.
***
When I awoke, the room was silent. I sighed with relief. Just a dream.
Then I saw it, the incision below my sternum. I looked up in horror, catching sight of Brad’s heels as the door swung shut.



...The Soulless is entry #138. If you feel like voting for it click the "like" button below my name on this list. Thanks everyone!...
Posted by Jessica Therrien
Labels:


86 comments:

  1. UnknownSeptember 5, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    Oooooh brrr. Creepy. Nice twist at the end there!

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  2. Gary GauthierSeptember 6, 2011 at 4:08 AM

    It's a complete story and it even has a picture to go with it! Great job. I liked the image of the head against the comforting chest as it vividly shows how the heroine would be deprived of Brad's heart.

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  3. JessSeptember 6, 2011 at 5:36 AM

    Oh my gosh that gave me chills! LOVED IT!!!!!!!!

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  4. AliBSeptember 6, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    Nice one Jessica - great atmosphere. Must stir my stumps and do something for the challenge!
    AliB

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  5. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    Never trust a guy named Brad. ;) This was great! Thanks for sharing. Sarah xx

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  6. Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5)September 6, 2011 at 8:21 AM

    My skin is still crawling!!! Well done Jessica!!!!! :D

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  7. Sheri L. Swift, AuthorSeptember 6, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Wow, chilling. Right up my youngest daughter's dark alley! Lol! ; )

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  8. Jessica TherrienSeptember 6, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate those of you who "liked" my story on Rachael's Linky List. You all are awesome, and I can't wait to read yours :)

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  9. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Yikes!...now if I was watching this on TV I would be hiding behind the couch...LOL. Great Stuff.

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  10. Rachele AlpineSeptember 6, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    I love this...especially the ending! I was like, oh man, this is a dream. But then it wasn't...howzah!

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  11. Coleen PatrickSeptember 6, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    Hi Jessica! Wow "the soulless flinging their bodies.." that's great!

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  12. BonnieSeptember 6, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    Really good!

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  13. David P. KingSeptember 6, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    This has a zombie feel to it, only it's not zombies, or is it? Nice one, Jessica! Very effective beginning and end. :)

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  14. Dora HiersSeptember 6, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    Congratulations, Jessica. Your entry has been forwarded to Michael Offutt for advancement into the second round of judging.

    Great job!

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  15. Jessica TherrienSeptember 6, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Thanks for all of the wonderful comments, and thanks for the news Dora!

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  16. Nicole SettleSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    Ah, very creepy! I really enjoyed it.

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  17. CristinaSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    aaahhhhh!!! so creepy, I love it!

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  18. Alleged AuthorSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    If I lost my heart, I would go mad as well. Good job!

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  19. UnknownSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    oh.my.goodness. i should not have read this right before bed! so scary and well done!

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  20. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    Oh Brad! I liked this. Mine is #72 and totally different.

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  21. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    totally creepy. like it. maybe that's why i have this scar on my chest (oh, nope, i had real heart surgery. haha -true, really, i did) mine is totally opposite as well. contemp YA #204. i like yours. creep creep-a-deep

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  22. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:51 AM

    And hey from Temecula, fellow SDSU girl!

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  23. Erin L. SchneiderSeptember 7, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    This was fabulous - great twists I wasn't expecting and all in only 200 words. Great job on this, Jessica!

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  24. Balin JonesSeptember 7, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    Jessica, that was a lot of fun!

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  25. Jocelyn RishSeptember 7, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    So creepy! Full of tension, and I love the way the hearts become a character in the story.

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  26. Jessica TherrienSeptember 7, 2011 at 3:08 PM

    Thanks so much for the encouraging comments everyone :) You all rock!

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  27. MariaSeptember 7, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    Chilling! Fabulous twist.

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  28. kjmckendrySeptember 7, 2011 at 4:56 PM

    Oh my gosh! So spooky! I'm not usually one to read scary stuff but this was great!

    I'm entry #236

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  29. Ryann KerekesSeptember 7, 2011 at 5:01 PM

    W-O-W! That was sick, seriously so good. Your story gets my vote! I am in the 2nd round with you - number 29

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  30. Jessica TherrienSeptember 7, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    Awesomeness! Now off to read yours :)

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  31. UnknownSeptember 7, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    Loving the creep in your story! Wasn't it so much fun to write? Congrats on making it to round two!

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  32. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    Ahhh this is so great!!! Good job!

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  33. TrishaSeptember 7, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    Now this was awesome - and creepy too, for sure!!

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  34. Isis RushdanSeptember 8, 2011 at 7:31 AM

    That darn Brad. He'd have to be soulless or heartless to do that. Nice zombie-esque kind of piece.

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  35. AnonymousSeptember 8, 2011 at 8:36 AM

    WHOA! I totally wasn't expecting that ending! Nice job!

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  36. Julie HedlundSeptember 8, 2011 at 11:28 AM

    OMG - awesome! Loved the twist ending.

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  37. CiaraSeptember 8, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    Excellent job! That is my type of read. I'll go 'like' this one. :)

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  38. S. L. HennessySeptember 8, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Wow, great story! LOOOVE the title!! I'll definitely be following you :) Are you thinking of expanding at all?
    Mine's #262 (http://pensuasion.blogspot.com/)

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  39. UnknownSeptember 8, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    Oh, very creepy, but also very good!

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  40. Avery MarshSeptember 8, 2011 at 1:40 PM

    Congrats on making it to round two. You deserve it. Such an intense and well written piece. And the perfect picture to go with it, too.

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  41. Alica McKenna JohnsonSeptember 8, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    uber creepy- very nice

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  42. Sandwiched WriterSeptember 8, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    Here's to zombies! (Brad made me think of Brad from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.) Nice job!

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  43. Pamela MasonSeptember 9, 2011 at 6:50 AM

    Isn't that just like a man -love you & leave you without a heart.
    Very nice! Thank you!

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  44. Jessica TherrienSeptember 9, 2011 at 7:43 AM

    Hey everyone! My power was out last night. Sorry I couldn't respond to your comments :( I will now be visiting all of your sites to return the favor. Thanks so much for your support! You are awesome!

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  45. 1000th.monkeySeptember 9, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Oooh... betrayal! Very nice :)

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  46. yikiciSeptember 9, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Oooo what a twist, nicely written. :)

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  47. Deniz BevanSeptember 9, 2011 at 4:22 PM

    Eek! How could he? And does she have any hope?

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  48. Claire HennessySeptember 9, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    Yikes! Creepy. Fab ending and lots of tension on the way. Love it! Voting and following :)

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  49. Jessica TherrienSeptember 9, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Thanks you wonderful people you! Your stories have all been awesome. This challenge was so much fun :)

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  50. Tia BachSeptember 9, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    Wow! I want to say something so much cooler, but wow! Amazing the amount of story you squeezed in. Best part: when she leans in and no heartbeat. Eek! Excellent!

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  51. Ruth JosseSeptember 9, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    SO cool! Loved it!

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  52. UnknownSeptember 10, 2011 at 11:27 AM

    What a great job!!! I really loved it. Just proves to watch your back when it comes to Brads *giggles*.

    I wish you the best of luck with this campaign! Though I'm not participating it was really nice to run across your blog *waves* and meet you!

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  53. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2011 at 5:02 PM

    Wow! amazing job! I love the tension and imagery!

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  54. JSeptember 10, 2011 at 7:19 PM

    I think this is one of my favorites so far! :) I'm a new follower...can't wait to read more in the future!

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  55. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Cool entry! What's better than flash fiction with a dash of horror? Great pacing, and LOVE the end. :)

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  56. UnknownSeptember 11, 2011 at 2:04 AM

    A well paced and tense story - you squeezed a lot into very few words.
    I wonder how Brad lost his heart... if they've been together all the time? Could he have faked the heart beat? If not, why - suddenly - did he have no heartbeat?
    "Only this time, it wasn’t there, and I lost myself to unconsciousness." CARELESS ;) Could the vacuum of his beatless chest drag her into unconsciouness?
    Good luck with the challenge.

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  57. UnknownSeptember 11, 2011 at 4:12 AM

    Wow that was creepy! What do the souless do with the hearts? Eat them? Like zombies eat brains? Awesome!

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  58. Mina BurrowsSeptember 11, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    Great job. Creepy too, just like I like it! :)

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  59. UnknownSeptember 12, 2011 at 7:51 AM

    Oh my FREAK that was creepy! Loved it! I even searched the whole list of 380+ entires so I could find your name and "Like" it :-)

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  60. S.A. LarsenッSeptember 12, 2011 at 8:49 AM

    Hi! Just wanted to let you know that you made it to the shortlist!! Congrats. More info to come from Rachel!

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  61. Francesca ZappiaSeptember 12, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    Ooh, very creepy! I liked it. Great job!

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  62. UnknownSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    PS. You have a very pretty blog :-)

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  63. Jessica TherrienSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:40 AM

    Salarsen - Thanks for the great news!
    Rachel - I think your blog is petty too :)
    Francesca - Thanks so much! Glad you liked it. PS...I love your name.

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  64. JoannaSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Congrats for getting to the shortlist, Jessica ;)

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  65. Wonder JensSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Awesome story, glad it was chosen for the shortlist. Congrats! :)

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  66. L.A SpeedwingSeptember 13, 2011 at 2:48 AM

    Nice work indeed! Liking the atmospthere a lot!

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  67. JSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    Hi Jessica! I just wanted to let you know that I've chosen you as one of the 12 finalists, which means you win a prize automatically. Congratulations, and well done! :D

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  68. MC RogersonSeptember 14, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    Great story! Creepy and tense. Congrats on getting through the final.

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  69. Kurt HartwigSeptember 14, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    Fantastic! Congratulations on being a finalist!

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  70. F.E. SewellSeptember 16, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    Congrats on making it to the finals. You deserved it! What a fabulous story!

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  71. Rebecca EminSeptember 18, 2011 at 12:51 PM

    Wow, this is fabulously creepy! Congratulations on making it into the final, that was very well deserved.

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  72. Rachael HarrieSeptember 19, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    Hi Jessica, I just wanted to stop by to congratulate you on being a Finalist in my First Campaigner Challenge! Your entry was chosen as one of the top 12 entries in the judging round, and I've now decided your place (and thus your prize).

    You've come in Fourth Place out of 384 entries - that is so fantastic! And that's not all, you've also WON the People's Choice Awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So you've been awarded with two fantabulous prize packages - I really hope you like them :) This Challenge has had a lot of entries with great twists, but yours was one of the best - I had no idea what would happen, and found your story deliciously creepy! I love me a good zombie story, but your depiction of the Soulless was ten times more intriguing!!!

    Well done again, and make sure you pop by my blog to see what you've won ;)

    Hugs,

    Rach

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  73. Amanda MilnerSeptember 19, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    CHILLS!! Loved this! :)

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  74. Juliana L. BrandtSeptember 19, 2011 at 8:29 PM

    I love the creep factor in this and am secretly wishing there is more of it! Make this into a story (that is, if you haven't already).

    Congrats on being a finalist!

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  75. UnknownSeptember 19, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    Yay, for you! Congrats on your win. :))

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  76. Mina BurrowsSeptember 20, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    Just stopped by to say Congrats! Great story!

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  77. Julie HedlundSeptember 20, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    I'm so glad you won a prize - loved your story!

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  78. AnonymousSeptember 20, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    Congrats on first place! Whoooohoooo, that's super fabulous!

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  79. JoannaSeptember 20, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Congratulations on your prize. Loved your story. You rock ! Woot :)

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  80. Barbara V. EversSeptember 20, 2011 at 12:37 PM

    Congrats on winning first place in People's Choice. Your story was riveting.

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  81. MariaSeptember 20, 2011 at 4:11 PM

    Excellent News! Well done you...

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  82. Jessica TherrienSeptember 20, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    Thanks for all the congrats! I can't believe it...

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  83. Author A.O. PeartSeptember 20, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    Congratulations, Jessica! :-) Great job on your story!

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  84. D..J. KirkbySeptember 21, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    Congratulations on getting first place in the peoples' choice award!

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  85. Rebecca EminSeptember 21, 2011 at 12:25 PM

    Congratulations on doing so well! You really deserved it.

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  86. Sara BirenSeptember 27, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    Congratulations on the People's Choice Award! This was fantastic.

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